the great gatsby and where the hell i’ve been lately

So I just finished reading The Great Gatsby.  Like, real reading.  I mean, I read it in college for an English class, but that wasn’t real reading.  I know this because I was absolutely blown away by the ending.  Gatsby fucking dies at the end?  What was I reading in college then because I’m pretty sure I got through two essays and test not having a clue that Gatsby bought it at the end.

Oh, yeah.  Spoiler alert:  Gatsby dies.

Maybe the bigger issue at hand is where the hell I’ve been lately.  It’s true, you may have noticed I’ve been a little a lot off the grid lately.  No, it’s not another one of my Internet Fasting stunts.  Well, I mean sort of–I’ve been without internet.

So let’s rewind a little bit.  I found myself homeless, more or less.  Things didn’t, um, pan out living with my cousin so I packed a bag and yada, yada, yada I just moved into a nice, little townhome type thing in the woods.

But there was a good two weeks where I was living out of my car.  Special thanks to my grandma and my resort for providing me shelter when I needed it.

Let’s be honest:  I wasn’t exactly living in the streets.  However, it was pretty humbling.  I ended up with a Grizzly Adams-caliber neckbeard, wore the same t-shirt, jeans, and faded pseudo-army jacket wherever I went, lived off scraps and handouts and ended up using whatever toothpaste was in the bathroom drawer I happened to be rummaging through.  I got a promotion and signed a lease on a place I couldn’t previously afford–not necessarily in that order.

It all worked out, I think.  Granted I’m not sure how I’m going to pay the rent due on the first and the surprise $500 of wear-and-tear on my car due roughly the same time.  Shockingly, there are options that don’t require selling major organs.

But in the split seconds I had before leaving my cousin’s house for good, I tried to make an informed decision about what book to bring with me.  And there, glaring at me from my bookshelf, was a former library copy of The Great Gatsby that I picked up for spare change.  You know, just in case.

Let me explain something:  I do not re-read books.  Even when I say I’m going to.  Even when it’s Star Wars.  I just don’t do it.  Maybe it was the cliche artsy writer in me or the fact that I knew I wouldn’t complete the homeless look without a dog-eared classic jutting from my coat pocket, but I nabbed Gatsby and took him on the road with me.

He made for good company, along with all the others:  Nick Carraway (which is still the coolest fucking last name of all time), Daisy, and Jordan.  It starts out a little droll–I haven’t read anything like this in years.  There’s no wizards, robots, swords, or powers.  Just slices of Americana and some unassuming metaphor.

And I’m getting into it, man!  I’m reading the voice of one of the greats, sleeping in a different bed or couch, but that’s my rock, you know?  That’s my constant.  That little penciled-in book.  And I’m reading about Gatsby, about his whole life is about impressing a girl by being rich not being poor.  He throws these lavish parties just hoping to reel in his lost love.  No interest in the parties themselves, just the girl.  Just Daisy.

I love it.  This is exactly the kind of story I can get behind.  Why hadn’t I seen this before?  When I thought back to the point of Gatsby, I just didn’t get it.  Ironically, the story I’m always trying to tell was written back in the 20s and has been residing in the back of my head for years.  Guiding my writing–guiding my choices!

Fitzgerald’s prose is so simple and elegant–it was like a splash of cold water right in my face.  Tell the fucking story, man!  I get so caught up in themes and metaphors and hidden meanings I forget I have a fucking story to tell!  At the end of the day, it’s about a guy and a girl.

And don’t even get me started on the money stuff.  Talked about an allegory for my life!

Long story short, it was good.  Got me back on the right path.  Seven years after I “read” it and Gatsby is still teaching me lessons.

And I see it popping up elsewhere.  Shortly after moving into my new place, I pulled my gently-used freebie handout chair–the only furniture in my living room–right up to my TV.  Why not, right?  Cracked a beer and watched St. Elmo’s Fire.  Another piece of fiction I claimed to love but didn’t really remember.

It really is the sequel to The Breakfast Club, I’m fucking convinced.

I remember when I first saw it that I really related to Andrew McCarthy’s character.  He was a bitter, unsuccessful writer that everybody thought was gay.

Okay, so I still relate to Andrew McCarthy’s character.  But re-watching it, I found out I have a lot of Rob Lowe’s character in me too.  Afraid of commitment, afraid of success, afraid of growing up–wanting to do what’s right but always falling victim to his ingrained vices.

Kind of heavy shit for a couple beers and an empty living room.

So I was glad to see a little Gatsby show up in SEF.  Good icebreaker.  Emilio Estevez’s character is such a play off Jay Gatsby it’s not even funny.  Okay, it’s a little funny, but really–it’s textbook Gatsby syndrome.  He puts Andie MacDowell up on such a pedestal.  Gets a job at a mansion just to throw her a lavish party.  And, when she doesn’t show, he ditches everything and drives up into the mountains (in a yellow car, no less) and chases after the girl and her new husband and life.

Textbook Gatsby.

Reading and watching these more down-to-earth pieces of fiction have been good for me.  Brought me back to reality.  So has this whole breaking out on my own, making something of my self, and stepping up to a plate that maybe nobody else sees but me.

So this little “Vision Quest Lite” of mine was nice for awhile.  But now I’m glad to have a place to call my own and a relative degree of stability.  It’s time to get back to work.  Back on track.  Write that great American novel.  Tell the fucking story.

Go.

 

 

 


assemble!

I saw it last night.

The.  Effing.  Avengers.

And let me tell you something:  It was the best movie ever.

Okay, hold on.  I know what you’re thinking:  Mikel, you say that about every film.

Touche.

But, this is different.  Sort of.  Truthfully, I was never a fan of the Avengers.  I’m way more of a Justice League guy.  The few Avengers comics I actually read had Spider-Man and Wolverine and The Thing as temporary members.  Well, temporary to the rest of the world–not to me!  So when the promos started coming out for the Avengers project, I was like “Who the heck are these guys?”  Thor and Captain America were, like, my least favorite superheroes.

In fact, I didn’t even bother to see their films until last week.  And only because they were on TV.  And only because my dick cousin made me watch them.

Even though Thor was like a polished cartoon, I liked the characterization.  And even though Cap is a little, um, patriotic for my usual fare–his film was very gritty and charming.

So, like, two seconds before Avengers was released, I was on board.  But still, I was worried the project was a little too ambitious.  And Joss Whedon was writing it.  I tried to have faith that he could handle the story, but I was worried he was setting himself up for failure.

Boy, was I wrong.

Great story!  Great writing!  INCREDIBLE use of tension.  And an attention to detail, character traits, and utilization of ability that is unmatched in any superhero movie I have ever seen before.

And I’m sure this has been said on countless other blogs, message boards, and reviews, but:  OMFG THE HULK!!!

So well done.   I think what really made the movie work is that it wasn’t all explosive, non-stop action.  There was a very careful buildup to the final showdown.  Some of the most intense, exciting scenes were the heroes standing around a boardroom table.

But all that isn’t really what inspired this blog.  What did was pondering the sequel.

Now, there are a lot of superhero movies out there, and most of them are Marvel.  Not all of them are quality, but each have characters that are gems.  And since The Avengers are known to recruit temps, I have comprised a list of ideal cameos that I would like to see in Avengers 2.

#5 Wolverine

Okay, admittedly not my favorite Mutant, but he does kick-ass.  He doesn’t age.  He has a sordid past.  These are pretty much the prerequisites for being an Avenger.  His abilities would make him a real clash for Captain America to get along with, and his nonchalant cool would be an interesting juxtaposition for the pressed-and-polished cool of one Tony Stark.  Here’s a guy that doesn’t care what he’s wearing–imagine how long he’d put up with Stark’s tongue before threatening to cut it out.

Plus, you know you want to see The Hulk throw him at something.

#4 Spider-Man

Oh, come on, give the kid a shot–see what he can do!  I know his movie’s not out yet, and I realize it’s directed by a relative nobody, but I can already tell the new Spidey would fit right in with the Avengers.  Andrew Garfield?  You gotta love that kid.  The Avengers need a snarky teen on the crew.

#3 Daredevil

Well, here’s where I lose everybody.  Since everybody loves to make fun of the Daredevil film with Ben Affleck.  But I don’t understand–I thought it was great!  Was I watching a different movie?  It had a cool character (during the day, he’s a lawyer, and at night, he’s a blind superhero that has no fear!), a compelling plot, awesome action, a totally reasonable costume–way less goofy than most of the Avengers, and a love story that at least did something different than the damsel-in-distress angle.  Plus, Affleck is a great guy and a great actor.  You people already crucified him for Gigli (which wasn’t that bad), you can at least let him have his superhero flick.

Where was I?  Oh yeah, the Avengers.  Daredevil should totally be on the team.  His sonar fights were cool and would look even cooler against a bunch of aliens on an apocalyptic scale.

#2 Reed Richards (aka Mr. Fantastic)

And you thought Daredevil was a bad choice?  People downright loathe the Fantastic Four films.  But Ioan Gruffud made a very compelling Reed Richards.  His knowledge of quantum astrophysics is unparalleled and thus would make him a great consultant for the Avengers.  Now, you don’t have to have him stretching everywhere as Mr. Fantastic, but it would be kind of cool continuity thing.

Plus, there could be a really funny scene where he squints at Captain America and says, “You look familiar.”

Ugh, do I have to explain the joke?  Chris Evans (Cap) also played the Human Torch in the Fantastic Four movies.  There.

#1 The Vision

Okay, technically this guy doesn’t have a movie.  But he is one of my favorite superheroes of all time–and he is a staple of the Avengers comic books!  He’s the Martian Manhunter of the Avengers (my other favorite superhero on the DC end)–he’s an android with the ability to fly, become intangible/invisible, or become as hard as diamond.  This guy could totally kick ass.  Give him an updated paint job and his cold, calculating personality could be a great palate-cleanser for the uber-clever Avengers characters.  Deadpan humor is very in right now.

That’s my time, kids!  Get out there and see Avengers (like you haven’t already) and tell me what you think!  Does it hold up to the usual Joss Whedon standards?  Does any particular character steal the show?

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go see it 7 more times.


those lucky enough

And some days, you wake up and say, "Oh, that's right...I live HERE!"

It’s sort of a strange time for me.  In-between projects.  Work has dwindled to barely more than a day a week.  The weather alternates between “Shorts” and “Thermal Underwear” by the hour.

The slow season at the resort should never come as a surprise, but it always does.  Those nights of prime rib dinners and taking home fat wads of cash become long weeks of scraping together cupboard remnants in hopes that it’ll form a meal.

In my time off, I’ve tried to get a little more writing done.  It started off great–grab a mocha, hit the library, step out for lunch, write some more, glass of Cabernet, glass of Cabernet, read a book–but most of those things require money.  And here’s a little-known fact:  if you spend more money than you make, you run out.

I know, it came as a huge surprise to me as well.

So, you take a step back.  Maybe get a coffee instead of a mocha.  One glass of Cab.  Walk to the library.  And that goes pretty well for awhile.

But then your wallet dips into the red.

So, you reset.  Prioritize.  Look into alternative sources of energy…er, money.

In order to come up with rent this month, I decided to do some Spring Cleaning.  And not the ‘Tidy Up Around the Coffee Table” Spring Cleaning either.  No, I’m talking about the deep cleaning one of the townhomes at my resort.  A top-to-bottom hardcore once- maybe twice-over.

All the walls need washing.  The bathrooms need scrubbing.  Everything made of wood needs to be polished and shined.  Rigorously.  Go forth, young warrior!  Don thy rubber gloves and breathe deep the fumes of industrial strength degreasing agents!  Leave no pillow unturned!

With a sigh, I traded my precious library time for a date with some shop rags.  The first couple hours aren’t so bad–it’s the last few that get to you.  Patience wears thin.  I get tired of taking orders.  I keep brainstorming new ideas for my writing projects and then forgetting them in the chemical-tinged tang of citrus oil.

Alright, alright–one more wall, but then I’m writing!

But then I’m too beat.  I just want to shower.  My arms can’t seem too forget how to not scrub furiously, but I only take off the first few layers of skin.  I fall asleep instantly.

To the library, right?!

Wrong.  The townhome is only half-cleaned, my debt only half-paid.  So I go back.  Round Two.  I work twice as long, tracing the woodgrain from the top floor to the basement.  My whole life is following those whorls with a towel coated in Shine-Up.  I think only in textures and materials and which bottle of what colored liquid will clean them properly.

The library is open late tonight.  I can still make it.  I’ll finish my story and be famous!

But then the option comes up to take a van full of sopping wet towels to the nearest laundromat for drying–20 miles away.

And, of course, I jump all over it.  And why not?  The work is mindless, the pay’s pretty decent, and, hey, it’s not like I’m wiping my nose with hundred-dollar bills here, right?  So I tell my mistress, The Library, that our date will have to wait–there are towels that need a-dryin’ and a-foldin’.

So I’m standing there, carting around behemoth loads of towels, rags, and an occasional potholder, chastising reminding myself that I should be writing.  I should be finishing the Great American Novel.

You’ve already put one big project on the back burner, and now you’re dragging your feet on the new one!  If you didn’t have to fold these damn towels, you could write your damn book!  But instead, here you are:  5th Avenue, Laundryville, working for The Man just to pay the phone bill!

And then something weird happened.

I felt good about what I was doing.  Righteous.  It’s been a long time since I worked solely for a wage–not tips.  I didn’t have to charm anyone or remember the side of barbecue sauce they asked for–I just had to work.  With my hands.  I mean, I wasn’t building a house or anything, but I certainly had to apply a little Elbow Grease.

It felt freeing.  I was digging myself out of a hole, financially-speaking.  I was doing.

So I finished up, loaded the van, honestly enjoying the heft of the bags.  I treated myself to a plate of nachos and an ice-cold beer while I graciously waited for a ride home.

It felt familiar.  Like when I was back in St. Cloud, no car, two jobs, and just enough left of my paycheck after bills that I could buy a box of Mac-and-Cheese.

And then I woke up this morning and remembered something I’d seen in the townhome I was cleaning.  It only came back to me, of course, after the cloud of fumes had cleared, but it made sense.  A little kitschy embroidered wall-hanging that read:

Those lucky enough to live by a lake…..are lucky enough!

So on a whim, I altered my typical morning walk–the one I have to take to get a little exercise–and made my way down to Artists’ Point; a collection of bluffs and inlets that taper right down to Lake Superior.

That little wall-hanging was right.  And I remembered:  Oh, that’s right…I live here.

....and here!

...and here!

...and he--AHH! What the heck is happening here?!

So I ran along the rocks, full-blast.  I leapt without thinking from one outcropping to the next.  Strode over chasms like rectangles in a crosswalk.  Sometimes I found the perfect route, sometimes I had to stop and retrace my steps to get back on track.  Either way, I was going to get where I wanted to go–the handholds were there.

It’s kind of like trying to pay my bills this month.  There are ways, even if not the most glamorous.  There’s money, even if not stacks of it.  There are handholds.

It wasn’t torture, it was a test.  Survival.  Leaping from one rock to the other before you gauge how far away it is.

I suppose it’s not some revolutionary new way of thinking that the world has never heard of–but it’s new to me.  And I might try it for awhile.

And so what if I didn’t get to the library right away today?

I’ll get there.

Eventually.

 


the saga continues…

I’m currently finishing up what may be my last Star Wars Expanded Universe reading experience 

*gasp*

*                    *                    *

That is what I said back in January as I polished off Fatal Alliance by Sean Williams.  It wasn’t a bad book, don’t get me wrong.  It was actually a pretty fun read.  However, Star Wars books have been losing their steam.  It happens with all great franchises.  There’s only so much you can do.  I was fully prepared to say goodbye to Saga lit FOREVZAR!!1! 

But a few little gems have pulled me back in.

And, as fate would have it, the Force has given me a spot of car trouble and pulled me off the road on my return trip north.  So, as I wait for the spendy-ass verdict on why the Check Engine light is on at the dealership cafe, I will give you a rundown on the Star Wars books I’m most excited for–and which one ultimately brought me back into the fold.

….there was  a boy in 6th Grade  that had just seen the Great Trilogy for the first time.  And all the Micro Machine playsets in all the world weren’t going to be enough to satisfy his thirst for space opera.  And so this boy turned his attention to the EU–the Star Wars Expanded Universe collection of literature.

TWIST!  That boy was me.  Now back in the day, EU Lit was a collection of cool adventures starring Luke Skywalker, Leia, and the Han Solo in an expanded (post-films) world built mostly by the epic trilogy written by Timothy Zahn.  His Thrawn novels (unofficially billed as Episodes 7,8, and 9 by many fans) paved the way for many great authors to pen the continuing adventures of the everyone’s favorite Jedi, Princess, and Scoundrel.  There was some pretty good continuity, but it was mostly loosey-goosey.  Now, in the wake of the prequels and the Clone Wars series, George Lucas has quite a lock on what does/doesn’t happen to his beloved trio.  And their offspring.  And their offspring’s offspring.

This was a total must.  A strict continuity and canon is what separates the Wars from the Trek.  But, in doing this–I believe–that Star Wars has lost some of the whimsy and wonder that it all began with.  The politics got more real, the characters became alive, and everything took on a certain sense of reality.  Personally, I think it began with the Vong wars, but that’s just me.  In short, I don’t think any Star Wars fan will disagree with me that the EU novels have lost a lot of that swashbuckling fun that I was so addicted to in middle school.  And the further they stray from the core characters, I struggle to stay interested.

But….there are a couple that still speak to me.  And since summer is usually the time I set aside for Star Wars books, I’ll have a look at the ones I may dive back into.

Michael Reaves is an author I’m on the fence about.  On one hand, he dips his quill into pretty out-there characters.  And truly, Coruscant Nights is a culmination of a lot of his creations coming together–a little convoluted perhaps.  On the other hand, he does know how to pick out an interesting story.  For example, this series finds one of the last remaining Jedi hiding out as  private investigator–in a time when Jedis are to be killed on site–when suddenly a slew of factions are tugging him to find out the truth about his father and his past.  Mikey likey a good story.  And my guilt about giving up on this series while there are still two books left in the trilogy finally caught up with me.  No matter my disappointment with the recent EU, I have to know how the story ends.

Then, as if my summer weren’t busy enough, Michael Reaves did THIS to me.  Personally!

Right?!  Man, what a jerk.  What’s that?  You don’t really catch my drift?  Okay, let me give you the lowdown in non-SW speak first.  You have  a mega-popular pop singer on the run from her former mafia husband who wants her dead.  She hires a mercenary as her bodyguard–a man who has his own history with the mafia.  Throw in a second infamous gun-for-hire who also has history with the main merc and, well, you have quite a good stew goin’ on.

Now, let’s stir in the Star Wars and what brought me back on board.  The aforementioned mercenary is none other than Dash Rendar.  Let me tell you something:  DASH RENDAR IS THE MAN!  The only guy cooler in the Star Wars universe is Han Solo.    But Dash is the guy that took Han’s place while the smuggler was frozen in carbonite between Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi.  For the right price, he aligned himself with Luke and Leia as they attempted to catch Boba Fett before he sold the frozen Solo to Jabba the Hutt.  The story of Shadows of the Empire (aka Episode 5.5) was a tough one for me.  Because in the absence of my favorite character, Han Solo, a new favorite arose:  Dash Rendar.  Just as cocky and brash as Han, but with a seedier past, Rendar really jumped off the page.  By the time Han comes back in the picture in Jedi, Dash is long gone, believed to be dead.

Long story short:  Dash and Han have never butted heads in person.

Until now.

That’s right.  Remember that second infamous gun-for-hire I mentioned?  It’s none other than Han-freaking-Solo himself.  Throw those two together, and you have quite the party.  Plus the mafia stuff?  That would be the uber-cool crime syndicate Black Sun.  And Black Sun is lead by one of the coolest villains in Star Wars–and yes, I know who Vader is–Prince Xizor.  A reptillian BA with the ability to manipulate people by producing pheromones.

And what a sweet symbol Black Sun has! Tattoo anybody?

Needless to say, this is going to be a great story, Star Wars or not.  And it just so happens to be Star Wars.  Slam Dunk.

As an honorable mention, I’m also interested in reading Star Wars:  Scourge for its connection to the underworld.  But the absence of the core–and extended core–characters coupled with the fact that it’s based on an RPG offshoot doesn’t inspire much confidence.

Okay, so far ALL the books on this lineup have to do with the seedy underbelly of the Star Wars crime universe.  Maybe I’m just interested in that.  Especially since the next book on the list is no exception.  And this one–well, this is the big daddy.  When I saw the press release for this book, I literally flipped.

Holy Effing Ess!

You guys, this is exactly what you think it is.  And if you have no idea  what to think about it, let me punch your brain with an explanation.

First off, Scoundrels–set to hit shelves the day after Christmas–is written by Timothy Zahn.  That’s right, the Lord of the EU.  Hailed as one of the greats at capturing post-film Star Wars themes and characters, Zahn is jumping right in with a cannonball.

From the Usual Suspects-inspired cover design, you can probably glean that there’s an element of crime involved.  Of course, you could also probably glean that from a young Han, Chewie, and Lando being in the same place at the same time.

This book–taking place almost immediately after Episode IV: A New Hope–promises to be an Ocean’s 11-esque caper heist.  Guys, if you don’t know that Ocean’s 11 and caper heists are two of my favorite things, well, I don’t think we can hang out anymore.

I mean, this is exactly what Star Wars fans want.  Bad.  Not only are capers always cool, but this one is starring the galaxy’s favorite cons.  And anyone remember that famous scene in Empire where Lando says to Han, “You got a lotta guts coming back here after what you pulled?”  Well, this would have been the last time Han saw Lando before they parted ways.  Time to finally find out what Chewie was talking about in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon when Han told him, “That was a long time ago–I’m sure he’s forgotten about that.”

To reiterate:  Han Solo.  Chewbacca.  Caper.  Heist.

And that’s it!  There’s nothing else  in the Star Wars Expanded Universe worth reading.  It’s all about the capers and the heists and the Wookiees.  Turn away from the screen.

I’m walking off-stage.

The lights fade to black.

Conversations resume.

A couple people order drinks.

Then BLAM!  The lights are back on and everyone is cheering for THIS:

Get up off your knees and wipe the tears off your eyes.  If anything brought me back into the world of the EU, it’s this novel.

For me, the back-and-forth of whether or not this book was actually going to happen was a real roller coaster.  It was on, then it was off.  Definitely coming out, then scrapped.  This was especially hard on me for two reasons:

1) James Luceno is a great writer, and an especially great Star Wars writer.  I followed him from way back in the Vong Days and he blew my mind with Episode III bookends Labyrinth of Evil and Dark Lord: Rise of Darth Vader.

2) “Darth Plagueis” is a name that has been on Star Wars fans’ lips since Revenge of the Sith.  It is a mystery wrapped in an enigma and I wanted to know more.

Let me explain.  From the cool, haunting tale that Chancellor Palpatine (aka–the Emperor) tells Anakin (aka–Darth Vader), one can infer that Darth Plagueis is the famous Sith Lord that taught Palpatine all his cunning skills.  Right up until the day that Palps killed him.

And that’s all you can infer.  Until now.  Luceno has fleshed out this character.  And if there’s one thing that Luceno excels at it’s tying together events and fleshing out character backgrounds in ways that will literally take your breath away.

From all the buzz generated by Jason Swank of the ForceCast–one can assume this is a pretty intense read.  Jason has been called a “Hater of the EU.”  It’s a mantle he only sort-of dismissed.

He loved this book.  I don’t think a podcast has gone by where he hasn’t mentioned it.  He and co-host Jimmy Mac even hosted a special roundtable just to discuss the importance of this book.  And there’s talk of doing another just because so many questions and discussions linger.

And me?  Well I was hooked at the first excerpt from the audiobook.  It.  Gave.  Me.  Chills.

There’s a lot of answers waiting in this book.  And clearly a tie-in to one of the coolest characters of all-time:  Darth Maul.

Alright, there you have it.  The complete definitive list of Star Wars Expanded Universe novels that I’m coming out of ‘retirement’ to read.

Gosh, how many more blogs am I going to have to write about these books before YOU ACTUALLY READ THEM?!


a point will not be made here

Still on vacation.  Still at Caribou.  Well…I mean, I left at some point and came back.  This damn Blueberry Almond Oatmeal is so damn good!

Alright, this is my warm-up.  Writing-wise.  I did an actual warm-up down by the old train depot.  St. Cloud (technically Waite Park) has this thing called a Healthy Living Trail–which is Latin for “so freaking cool.”  It’s a little transformed bike path with lots of informational signs and playground-grade workout equipment!  Such a great idea.  I’ve been on it twice now and, yes, it really does get the blood flowing.

Now, yesterday I met with my old buddy from high school that very luckily happens to work at a publishing house.  He pretty much [you're safe, Brando] offered me a shot at getting Coming of Mage published.  What does this mean to me?  Everything.  As if you guys didn’t know:  I’m pretty attached to the little-tale-that-could in all its alchemical glory.  I’ve been working hard to outline and make the story bigger–and now I finally have some real incentive to get writing!

It’s exciting.  I’m even excited to do a Kickstartr.  And I’m sure you’re all excited for that too, right?

But in all seriousness-ness, it’s time to really crack down on this project.  Just the push I needed.  There’s plenty to be done and hopefully this off-season break will give me the time I need.

So what else is new?  Well, I did see a movie while visiting ‘civilization.’  The Hunger Games.  Frankly–and this may come as a shock to you–I loved it.  I hear the film is catching a lot of flack for being made for fans and people that read the book.  Since I just read it, I’m a little bias.  It’s possible I may have overlooked some fact jumps.  Still, I feel like I would’ve enjoyed it either way.  Pretty nice little film.

I still want to see Wrath of the Titans (for some reason) and 21 Jump Street.  Gotta take advantage of my cinema proximity while it’s still a thing.

I also want to get out and enjoy the day on my last day in town.  I was supposed to go disc golfing with my buddy, but The Man up and scheduled him for work at the last second.  I’m going to “Jedi” this one–let fate decide if I hit the links today.

At least I’ll get to see a few old friends at Happy Hour today.  I rarely turn down 20-ounce craft beers at $2 a pop.

Reading–I’d also like to do that.  Blade of Tyshalle keeps getting better and better.  I’m telling you guys, Matthew Woodring Stover is the King of All Writers.  Start with Heroes Die and don’t look back!

Alright, alright, my action items list is longer than, well, something long…..anyway!  To work I go!  Let’s polish off this vacay right!


con-fidential

In hindsight, it seems like a quick year since my last anime convention.  This is my second Anime Detour and my third con of all time.  Again, I find myself at Caribou Coffee.

I sort of feel like a spy at these things.  Maybe that’s why I feel it’s my duty to write this report.  So that my side knows what the other side has been up to.  But it’s hard not to feel this way–I don’t exactly blend in with the attendees.

Don’t get me wrong, I still volunteer to go, pay the registration fee, pay for the hotel room, pay for my costume–yes, I did wear a costume this year–thus, I’m not completely removed from this demographic.  However, I’m definitely not up to code on the lingo.  I also have to constantly ask, “What’s that guy from?  What’s he dressed as?”

Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself.  You all probably know what an anime convention is right?  I’m presupposing  you know what anime is, but I think that’s a given in this day and age.  Like any fan convention, Detour allows fans of Japanese animation to dress up (cosplay) as their favorite character.  There’s also panels where celebrities speak and fan-hosted discussions and lectures.  There’s a consuite where you can get round the clock snacks, ramen, and rice all for free.

Sounds pretty standard, right?

Well, sort of.  And this is where the spy in me kicks in.  Anime conventions seem to be a breeding ground for the socially inept–both literally and figuratively.  It’s almost like a universal language that all these fans share.  It’s okay to be inappropriately loud, smack your friends, wear next to nothing at all in the name of fandom, and approach total strangers and start asking for their personal information.

It’s also the home of every person that talks in movie theaters.  The commentary type, not the casual conversationalist.

There’s also this thing called “glomping” where one or more people ambush random people with hugs.  Yeah, it’s so common they had to give it a name.

Hugs in general are out of control at these things.  If you love someone’s costume, you either take a picture or ask them for a hug.  Or if they’re not in costume and just want a hug.  And several people walk around with notebook-paper-and-Sharpie signs advertising FREE HUGS.

Speaking of costumes, I’ve noticed that the anime convention has gone the way of any comic book convention in that you can cosplay basically anything.  In fact, I would go out on a limb and say the majority of costumes come from video games, American cartoons, and Doctor Who.  I think that’s cheating.

But I’m the spy, remember?

All social awkwardness aside, one of the most disturbing things about these conventions is the clash of blossoming sexuality and the range of ages attending the con.  Very minor girls are running around in short-shorts and fishnets under the pretense of cosplay in an environment where much older men can get away with asking for pictures.  I don’t know if that has ever been a problem in the past, but I feel like it’s a PR debacle waiting to happen.  And there has to be some connection to the constant hugging.

But maybe I’m reading too far into it.  There’s lots of positives of an event like this.  One weekend a year, people that are struggling to fit into society can roam the halls of a hotel unbridled.  I mean, nobody there is a shining example of ‘normal,’ but some of these people can use any chance they get to hone their people skills.  People are wildly friendly and everyone is willing to give anyone else a shot.  Nobody’s fighting–violently, anyway–and nobody is surprised when a stranger walks up and says hey.

In a way, it’s refreshing to see.  These kids that are probably quiet, reserved, and misunderstood in the halls of their school are getting a crash course in meeting-n-greeting.

I definitely spent a good time away from the con this year.  I stuck to Caribou, Subway, the neighboring hotel and its lobby.  I don’t regret it.  I still feel like I got my money’s worth.

But, this year, I definitely felt more like an outsider than ever before.  I didn’t seem to have the ability to jump right into the weirdness.  I stayed back.  I strayed far from the FREE HUGS people.  I kept my communication to a minimum.

So, in a way, it was almost detrimental to my social skills to attend this thing.  But, I still enjoy anime–and I have some great new leads on what to watch.  I still love the people I go with.  It’s the one time each year we get together and I wouldn’t trade it for all the glomping in the world.  And the Artist Alley showcases a lot of up-and-coming talent.

But, it’s been a long weekend.  I’m excited to see my girlfriend, my dad, my grandma, and my buds.

Vacation ain’t over yet.


t-u-r-t-l-e power

Today, I find myself torn between being an artist, a fan, and an honorary Hero-in-a-Half-Shell.

Most of my readers will know me as a Star Wars/Transformers fan [understatement].  But there is a third side to my character–of the Teenage Mutant Ninja variety.  Before either SW or TF, there was TMNT–at least, for me.  They were my original heroes.  For every Transformer I had in my younger days, there was at least 3 Turtles action figures.  Most of them were Michelangelo.

Mikey.  The party dude.  I even had a namesake.  I assumed I was named in honor of him.  It’s why I love pizza.  It’s why I own a pair of nunchuks.  It’s why I still haven’t touched drugs or cigarettes.

It was more than an example of great storytelling or cool, innovative design–it was about honor.  Loyalty.  Brotherhood.

It’s the reason I choose my best friends in fours.

Loner ~ Leader ~ Goofball ~ Techie

You might say TMNT is the very foundation of my being.  What I was built upon.  What I’ve become.  And why I still stand.

So it was with a very heavy heart that I read the slew of Facebook posts, messages, and updates about the new Michael Bay TMNT project.  I didn’t go out searching–this information found me.  But just to make sure I had it right, I hopped online and did a little research.  And my fears turned out to be accurate:

They are changing the origin story.  To aliens.

I suppose if they come from another planet, they can still be Mutants Ninjas Turtles Teenagers, right?

Wrong.

So here’s where I’m torn.  As a writer, I love change and tampering with storylines in unique, unpredictable ways.  Taking everything you know and flipping it on its ear.

And as a moviegoer, frankly, I enjoy Michael Bay’s flicks.  Yes, even Pearl Harbor.  To some extent.  Bad Boys?  Great stuff.  The Island?  Cool as hell.  Transformers?  Well, we all know how I feel about anything Transformers-related.  I thought the first film was wildly charming and I was grateful that Bay brought something nerdy and misunderstood into the spotlight of cool.  The second one?  Meh.  But it still had transforming robots.  And the third?  Stellar.  A real marvel.  I’m watching all three tomorrow, marathon-style.

But, as a diehard TMNT fan, I am hurt/nervous/fearful that my beloved franchise will be upended.  I have faith in good writing and ingenuity–but I also have my core favorites.  And one that has never changed in all the years is the origins of those four brothers.

I have no doubt that what Michael Bay will produce will look stunning.  It will be very engaging and reach new audiences.

But–at what cost?

The story of TMNT is so loaded with values, I fear it will be lost if such a shark is jumped as making them alien in origin.  The idea that they are ‘not quite human’ will become ‘definitely not human.’  This will automatically create a greater buffer; they will become less relatable.  The term “mutant” has become something of a power word for people that don’t quite fit into society.  Something cooler, catchier than “freak” or “outcast.”

And, well, we all know the connotations of “alien.”

And what about the “ninja” part?  Herein lay the real genius of TMNT, in my opinion.  What a glorious way to teach kids one of the most honorable codes in human history.  Elements of Bushido, the Samurai code, have become synonymous with Ninja, at least in the realm of young adult pop culture.  This code of honor and loyalty is one of humanity’s finest social constructs–right up there with love and friendship.  If we send the Turtles’ origin off-world, what will they learn in place?  Flashy martial arts?  Violence without parameters?

And then there’s the “turtle” part.  That’s pretty self-explanatory.  It’s one of the most beloved elements of TMNT!  A space-turtle isn’t a turtle.  Or you’re suggesting that a creature from Earth would appear on another planet–and that’s just lame.  I hate when movies do that.  To quoth my cousin, “That’s just so ’50s.”

So I will watch your progress, Mr. Bay.  As much as I can, of course.  I have not ruled out what you are trying to do.  And I won’t go as far as to use words like “raping” or “sodomizing” as so many inappropriate fans have done lately.  But I will watch.  And hope.  Hope that you do not take that which is most human out of one of the most revered franchises legacies of all time.

To dudes and dudettes everywhere:  Cowabunga.  May our nostalgia come out intact.


i’ll never let her go

Cutter stepped forward. “I don’t know if I can stop it, but if you get me close enough, I’ll get back into the chamber that holds the princess—I can rescue her, Your Highness. At the very least. I owe Maria that much.”

Elias thought it over a moment, then turned to Flippant. “Master Wizard?”

“If everything we have hypothesized here today is true—and this thing is using the princess as a conduit—the Clockwork Knight will await moonrise, when the charge of demosynthetic energy is at its peak,” Flippant explained. “We might have a chance to stop it first.”

“We would need an army,” Elias said.

–excerpt from Part V: A Wizard’s Gamble

I’ll Never Let Her Go

Part VI of The Chronicles of Cutter

By Mikel Andrews

THE LIGHTS FLICKERED AND DIMMED. Cold jolts shot from the console up her arm, tingling. The cuff seemed to suckle her fingertips. Aside from the rings around each finger, her hand felt like it was in a void—there was nothing to touch, to graze.

She was a prisoner, and a terrified one at that.

“I am Maria Elena Arezza, Princess of the Royal Family of Estham,” she mustered as grandly as she could, addressing the voice that had spoke to her in the dark. “You will release me at once.”

No answer. Same as the first few times she’d tried it. The voice—the one that had called her Princess—was gone.

Maria wiped away tears with her free hand. When she had woke up this morning, she couldn’t possibly have imagined all this would happen. Not even when Old Flip told her they were going to town.

A field trip, he’d call it. She couldn’t help but laugh a wet sniffle. It was hardly that. Everything had changed, all because Flippant needed to get something from Sir Roan’s shoppe. What did he pick up there anyway? She never found out.

Guilt burned in her cheeks. I never found out because I ran away. With Cutter.

Was it really just this morning when she’d met him, dropped everything—everything but that troublesome book, of course—and ran off with a strange boy?

Maria sobbed freely now. Where was Cutter? This was the perfect time for him to swoop in and save her. Swashbuckling and grinning that charming grin. He’d say something hysterically heroic, like Heard you could use a rescue, Princess or What have you got yourself into this time, Your Highness? Maria longed for such a line. Longed to be rescued by Cutter. Her savior. Her—

She straightened and sniffed. Mind your decorum, Flippant’s voice came back to her. She wouldn’t even mind if the old wizard himself swooped in and rescued her.

Besides talking to a voice that wasn’t there and waiting to be rescued, Maria was trying to see that gemstone gleam she’d seen before. Between the blur of tears, Maria watched that spot in the wall, between the metal beams, where she had first seen the violet glow. Perhaps it would shine again and signal the return of whatever magic bound her to this console. Whatever spirit. Whatever it was.

She didn’t want to be alone anymore. And even that cold whisper of a voice was better company than her own thoughts.

“Please,” she sobbed quietly, no trace of her father’s royal bellow. “Please let me go.”

The violet gleam flickered again. And then the voice came from everywhere at once. “Why, Nadia, why? Don’t you remember me?”

The voice! It was back! The voice was a cool river that ran into both her ears. Something so passionate, devoted. Maria couldn’t help but be soothed by it. But Nadia? Who was that?

Maria found her bearings and shook away the spell of the voice. “Who’s there? I demand to know who my captor is!”

“Captor?” the voice asked. To Maria it sounded almost hurt. “Nadia, please. Try to remember! It know I appear different, but it is truly me—Avalas. Your knight. Your love.”

Avalas. The name didn’t sound familiar. And it was nothing she’d read about in The Demosynthetic Process—at least not that she’d paid attention to. But now she had a name. She could work with a name. Flippant had told her once that a name was the first key to any lock.

“I can’t see you,” Maria said bluntly. “How would I know if you were Avalas or not?”

Maria thought she heard a sigh and then the lights dimmed almost to black. The gem-like gleam from within the wall abated and reappeared right in front of her. In the shape of a man. A man in armor.

The man smiled. “Is this better, Princess?”

For the first time, the voice had a face. A handsome face, seemingly chiseled out of amethyst stone and lit by an ethereal hue. The knight’s hair was long but neatly braided down his back. One stone gauntlet rested on the hilt of a sword. The other he presented to Maria.

Whatever this spirit was, he already had one of Maria’s hands, he wouldn’t get another. She made a display of pulling her free hand away from his grasp. She was surprised that in the mixed bag of emotions she was feeling, fear was no longer one of them. She was staring at a ghost, and yet her resolve had become sharpened to a point.

“Are you Avalas?” Maria demanded.

The essence of the knight looked confused. Pained. “Of course, Nadia. Am I so different from how you remember me?”

That’s just it! I don’t remember you! We’ve never met! Have you been listening to anything I’ve said? Maria wanted to scream all these things, but instead she played along.

“Yes, Avalas. In fact,” she said, “I don’t recognize you at all. What happened?”

The look on Avalas’ face shifted; his eyes darkened. His lips became a sneer. The purple hue dissipated. The spirit was gone and Maria was once again alone. In the dark. No, no, no. She wouldn’t be left alone again. She was finally getting answers—and that was better than being left wondering.

“Avalas—wait!” Maria called out, and was surprised at the longing in her voice.

“All this time I’ve waited for you.” The voice of Avalas swam in the dark. “And you barely remember me. How could this be, Nadia?”

“Avalas,” Maria said carefully. “I am not Nadia.”

In a flash of violet and a gale of wind, the spirit of the knight returned. His hand clutched Maria’s chin and cheek, turning her face to the left then the right. She couldn’t feel his touch exactly, but in its place was a cold heat. A cold heat that nearly snapped her neck.

One wizard breath. Two. Three.

“You are my princess,” he said at last. “Whether you are Nadia or not.”

“Who is she?” Maria found herself asking. “Who is Nadia? What happened? Perhaps, if you let me go, I could find her for you.”

The knight shook his head. “You won’t find Nadia. That was all so long ago. But there is a king to kill.”

Panic ate Maria’s words. She felt feint. Cold and numb. He was talking about her father!

“The king will die by the hand of his own daughter—his princess,” Avalas said. “And the Arezza family will finally fall.”

*                    *                    *

IN A MATTER OF HOURS, the king’s private chambers were transformed into a full-blown war room. The stately quarters that were once the jewelry box of the palace had become nothing more than a gilded think tank. Everyone was speaking the same language: strategy.

Consultants and technicians flowed through the doorways, carrying documents ranging from metallurgic formulas to fairytale legends. Sky pirates, clanging with jewelry and stinking of engine grease, stomped in and out of the chambers with constant updates on the state of Captain Alven’s airships. Occasionally, one of his messenger hawks would have to be let in through the window. Screeching and clawing were the birds’ only doorbells, and barely audible ones over the swarming insects constantly buzzing and thudding against the decorative panes.

Crickets, Flippant thought hotly. I’ve always hated crickets.

Almost as obnoxious as the crickets was the hummingbird hovering of the boy. Cutter. Flippant couldn’t help but glare at him as he traveled from group to group, adding his two toadies whenever he saw fit.

To everyone else in the room, the boy was an asset; his understanding of pentomechanics was surprisingly well-versed for a common street urchin. The knowledge gave him a leg up on airship maintenance as well as speculation on the Clockwork Knight.

The Clockwork Knight he’s been rebuilding and repairing, Flippant seethed. That holds the princess hostage.

Flippant couldn’t help but hold the boy in contempt. After all, Cutter was at the heart of this whole debacle.

No, it’s me. I took Maria to Ralafus. I left her alone. And, worst of all, if I’d paid a lick of attention to that foolish boy, I might have seen what he was up to.

At the very least, Flippant could have warned Cutter that demosynthetics were not for dabbling in. Especially if the dabbler was a Pentomechanic. Two very different kinds of magic; mastery of one does not imply mastery of the other. One could augment the other, but—it was cut and dry.

Pentomechanic magic was not demoysynthetic magic. Period.

“Master Flippant?”

Flippant was caught off guard by the boy’s quiet interruption. Cutter, that little hummingbird, had crept up on him. The welts left by Flippant’s Piperscorn ulms were starting to disappear from the boy’s face and arms. His silky raven hair was starting to settle back into the perfect helmet it usually looked like.

“What is it?” Flippant groaned.

Cutter looked around sheepishly. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

Flippant’s first reaction was to point a finger and begin to lecture the boy. But he hadn’t expected an apology. And that slight hesitation gave Cutter the go-ahead to keep on apologizing.

“I’m sorry that I rebuilt that—that thing. And I’m sorry I always bugged you when you visited Ralafus. And I’m sorry I took Maria from the whistle store. And—”

Whistle store. Byrd’s Books and Whistles. Flippant had almost forgotten about his old friend since they’d moved Sir Roan Byrd to a cot in the adjoining room. And, subsequently, he’d forgotten about the whistle he’d commissioned Byrd to craft. He prodded his sleeves and pockets. Where was it? Who had it?

“Elias!” Flippant called out, answering himself. Every head in the room turned and Flippant felt his face flush. So much for that decorum he was always preaching to Maria.

King Elias turned away from the aide he was conversing with and turned a stern look on Flippant. “What is it, Master Wizard?”

“Forgive me, Your Majesty,” Flippant replied. “Do you still have the whistle?”

“Whistle?” Cutter whispered. Flippant ignored the boy and made his way across the room to Elias’s desk. The king looked confused for a moment, then he too remembered the little slotted disk that had kept him occupied during the long eternities between Alven’s updates about his daughter. Elias fingered the whistle from inside his waist sash and held it up for Flippant to see. The look of hope on his face stung Flippant as he approached. He hadn’t meant to imply he had an answer for its use—just reminded that, according to the prophecy, it played an integral part.

“Oh, wow!” Cutter cried. Flippant didn’t even noticed the boy had followed him but there he was, snatching the whistle from the king’s grip and looking at it incredulously. “I never thought I’d see one of these!”

Flippant rolled his eyes. “As if you know what that is.”

Cutter looked hurt. “I most certainly do. I saw it in a book.”

“Of course,” Flippant snorted. “Just like the Ferrous Golem, right?”

“That’s different. Honest mistake,” Cutter said. He held up the whistle like it was a cookie he wanted to eat. “But I know what this is.”

“And what is it, boy?” Elias asked. “Speak up.”

“It’s a shattertrill, Your Majesty,” Cutter answered.

“A what?”

Cutter sighed, frustrated—as if it were so incredibly obvious. “A shatttertrill. It’s a demolition whistle.”

His explanation was met with nothing but perplexed looks. A few others in the room had circled around the boy to listen to his explanation; Marz Alven of the Skyhammer Guild was the last. Flippant scoffed as the sky pirate captain feigned interest.

Cutter shook his head and went on. “Look, a shattertrill produces a specific tone designed to target the shatter-point of a geometric object.”

More confused looks.

“Is this happening?” Cutter muttered. “Every three-dimensional shape has a mathematically-determinable breaking point—a spot that will send fault lines through the object and leave it a pile of rubble. In the old days, when structures were simple, you could use a shattertrill for quick demolition. Here, watch!”

Before anyone could stop him, Cutter had the whistle to his lips and was preparing to blow. Elias, Alven, and Flippant all reached for him at the same time, shouting “No!” Cutter blew into the shattertrill and a shrill shriek filled the air. Flippant couldn’t help but cover his ears. Alven ducked beneath a desk and Elias covered his head, waiting for the roof to come down around him.

Flippant waited, teeth clenched. When nothing happened, he opened his eyes and put his hands down. Cutter stood staring at him, hands on his hips, frowning.

“If you’d let me finish,” Cutter continued, “they don’t really work anymore because modern structures are too complex. Nobody wanted a house that could be brought down by a whistle.”

“Yes, well,” Flippant grunted, clearing his throat. “The plans for that whistle were the only thing we could find concerning the aversion of this doomsday event. So it’s not so much what the shattertrill does, but what does it affect?”

Cutter shrugged. “Maybe it’s tuned to the Clockwork Knight himself?”

Flippant shook his head. “Unlikely. Even our predecessors must have known the Knight could reshape and rebuild himself. A shattertrill would be rendered useless. It must be for something smaller—something they knew wouldn’t change.”

Cutter snapped his fingers. “The geode!”

“What are you talking about, son?” Elias asked.

Cutter pointed to Flippant. “Master Flippant said that the Clockwork Knight was fitted with an enchanted geode that contained the spirit of the king’s prize soldier. That’s a simple shape—perfect for a shattertrill!”

Even as Flippant nodded, he couldn’t believe what he was thinking. The boy is right. A geode, with its crystalline core, would meet a quick end if its breaking point could be determined. But why not destroy the geode right then and there? Save all the trouble of creating plans and hiding it in a prophecy?

That answer was even more obvious to Flippant. They couldn’t.

Even if the technology existed to make such a precise shattertrill—precise enough to map out the interior contours of a geode—the wizards that coaxed the land to bury the Clockwork Knight would have made sure the abomination was impossible to reach. It was only centuries of erosion and bad luck that introduced Cutter to the Knight in the first place.

The plans were the extent of what the metallurgists at the time could produce, Flippant realized. A preventative measure.

“So this whistle is meant to destroy something within the Clockwork Knight?” Alven asked out of nowhere. “Isn’t that where the princess is being held captive?”

Flippant only needed to choose a patronizing retort for the good captain, but before he could, Cutter spoke up.

“We stick to the original plan, then,” he said. “Get me inside. I’ll get Maria. Blow the shattertrill. Get out.”

“It’s not that simple, boy,” Flippant said. “Even if we got someone inside the Clockwork Knight, the second you shatter the stone, chances are the whole thing will come apart. And you’d have to know where the geode is.”

Cutter bowed his head. “I know where it is. And I know how to get in and out. Fast.”

“How?” Elias asked.

“There’s a porthole, Your Majesty,” the Pentomechanic answered. “Right about where the ear would be on the Knight. It leads directly to the chamber that Maria’s in. If Captain Alven will fly me to the porthole, I can get in, free Maria, blow the rock, and get out. And Marz—you won’t even have to leave. I’ll be quick. Just keep buzzing around the Knight’s head like a gnat.”

Alven gulped. He stroked his goatee. “Simple as that, eh?”

“Do you have something that can do it, Alven?” Elias demanded.

Marz nibbled at his thumbnail as he thought it over. Flippant could tell he did in fact have something that would work, but now he was working out how well it would work. No doubt calculating the risk to himself in the process.

“Out with it, Alven!” Flippant spat.

Marz sighed, nodding. “We have something—we call it the Treehopper. It’s small, good for precise, quick maneuvering. And hovering.”

“That sounds perfect!” Cutter exclaimed.

Almost perfect,” Marz admitted. “It’s built for one. Now I can carry Cutter—not safely, but I can carry him. The princess? Depends on how well Cutter can hang onto her.”

“I’ll never let her go,” Cutter said with blazing confidence. “I promise.”

Flippant was honestly touched by Cutter’s bravery, his loyalty to Princess Maria. He flicked his chin and caught the boy in his special lenses. Maria’s aura burned brilliantly around Cutter, but not in the way he expected. The smoky ribbons of color didn’t trail from him or drip from his fingernails. It was as if Cutter was wearing the shreds of the princess’s aura like a coat. Or armor. The old wizard felt a warmth resonating in his chest that he hardly recognized anymore.

You can do this, Cutter, Flippant thought, swallowing the lump in his throat. You can save her.

Just then, another sky pirate, one of Alven’s men, burst through the door. It wasn’t exactly a shocking gesture anymore, but this one had something important to say. Flippant could tell. He recognized the man as Mr. Phantom, Alven’s First Mate. The man had been stone-faced and confident even when first reporting the Clockwork Knight emerging from the ground.

Now, however, the man could barely muster his voice.

“C-captain Alven,” Phantom choked out. “It appears that the Clockwork Knight’s army has risen.”

“Risen?” Marz echoed.

“Hundreds, maybe thousands of metal warriors have emerged. Below ground, caves, beneath Ralafus—they’ve already stormed through the town and are marching here to the castle.”

Flippant turned to the king. “It won’t be long now, Your Majesty. If Maria is being used as a conduit, we—I may have been wrong about waiting ’til moonrise.”

Elias sighed and closed his eyes. “Darbio?”

A young knight clad in full armor up to his neck stepped up. “Your Majesty?”

Flippant knew him as the head of security, but Darbio also acted as the Prime Knight of the Royal Guard..

“The time has come to send out the Guard,” Elias told the young man. “Your men will ride out under the cover of Alven’s airships. Alven?”

“On it, Your Highness,” Marz replied, then addressed Mr. Phantom. “Call back Scout Flight. Tell them to form up above the king’s Royal Guard.”

Phantom looked confused. “Tell them, Captain? Won’t I be leading them?”

Marz clapped a hand on Phantom’s broad shoulder. “No, Mr. Phantom, not this time. I need you to pilot the Jasmine—”

“The flagship?” Phantom questioned. “Surely, we’re not flying that into ba—”

“I’m launching from her, Phantom,” Marz said, letting his voice rise then ebb humbly. “In the Treehopper.”

Mr. Phantom swallowed his confusion, his fear, and suddenly had no more questions for his captain. He gave a curt nod and left the room. Flippant saw the calm, dry amusement that tugged at the corners of Alven’s lips. Maybe nobody else saw it, but Flippant suddenly feared that the sky pirate captain’s place in this plan was more dangerous than he was willing to admit.

And that made Marz Alven far braver than Flippant had thought.

Just like that, things were off and running. Darbio followed Phantom, and King Elias began ordering people around. Maps were rolled and books were shelved as the royal chambers were emptied in a hurry.

“Well, this is it,” Cutter said as Marz sidled up to Flippant and the boy.

“Good luck,” Flippant told him, then nodded to Marz. “And you too, Captain.”

Marz meant to say something. Some snide retort that he was famous for, Flippant was sure. Instead, the sky pirate just nodded back and stuck out his hand. “Thank you, Master Wizard.”

Flippant shook the man’s hand. Suddenly, Cutter’s hand covered theirs, gripping tightly to stop the handshake.

“It’s not luck, mates,” he said with a grin, holding up the shattertrill. “It’s science.”

*                      *                      *

MARIA HAD BEEN SCARED when the console had first clamped around her hand. She’d been scared when the voice spoke and when Avalas first appeared. She’d been scared when he told her she was the key to killing her father.

But now, as the contraption began to lurch forward and knives of electricity shot through her hand, Maria was downright horrified. Her sickly empty stomach turned over as the war machine pushed forward.

“Why are you doing this?” she asked. “What did my—the king—ever do to you?”

“Ever do to me?” Avalas’ voice echoed through the chamber, thunder on tin. “Ever do to me!”

Maria couldn’t help but squeak shrilly as the horizon-violet specter appeared again in a gale of light. This time there was hatred in his eyes, and the handsome chiseled face was replaced with a sneer that planed the knight’s cheekbones and frown lines into harsh angles. Again, she couldn’t feel his touch, but the pressure pinched around her small wrist felt worse than anything the console cuff had produced thus far. She shuddered in his grip, turning away as he drew his face close to hers.

“Do you have time for a story, Princess?” Avalas asked, then cocked an amused smirk. “What am I saying—of course you do.”

Maria tried to hide her gasp as the ghost of the knight dropped her hand and whirled around the room, thinking where to begin his tale. Fretting, she wondered how long before Avalas spit it out. After all, at the rate this thing was lurching toward her father’s palace, she only had so long to talk him out of it—and she’d need to hear his side first. Maria wasn’t a gifted mechanic, or a wizard, or a king—she wasn’t even a sky pirate when it came to skill. But she could listen. That she took from her mother. And Queen Arga had disarmed many a situation.

She just had to listen.

Fortunately, Avalas seemed ready to talk. He relaxed his shoulders and sighed. “I was once the most prized soldier in Estham. Prime Knight of the Royal Guard. But I was also, first and foremost, in love.

“Princess Nadia Morena Arezza—the most beautiful creature ever to come from the royal family. We were going to marry. In secret, of course. Even the Prime Knight couldn’t marry a royal.”

Maria’s interest was piqued. She wondered how she might be related to Nadia, or how long ago she lived. Or how beautiful she truly was.

Avalas went on. “Her father—the king—was furious. Of course. That seems to be the nature of kings. He didn’t just forbid the relationship—he severed it indefinitely.

“I was sent on a quest. King Mercuse said if I was successful, he would be willing to rethink the marriage rule. All I had to do was steal back a prized chalice from the king of Portham.”

Portham? The neighboring kingdom? Maria felt herself being weighed down by the mere idea of traveling to Portham. Estham spread so far that to even cross its borders would take weeks.

Avalas shook his head. “But there was no chalice. There was no quest. It was merely a ploy to rob me of my flesh.

“My essence—my very soul—was confined to a stone. Then the stone was confined to a clockwork body. A metal prison. It seemed in my absence, the Royal Guard had been replaced by automatons. Mercuse would never again take the chance of entrusting his safety to human men. Capable of love, feeling—and betrayal.”

“But,” Avalas smiled. “Even a handful of spells couldn’t contain me—nor my love for Nadia. My conscience rose to the surface and I was able to become myself again. Sentient—mostly. But, by then, Nadia had forgotten about me. She was disgusted by with what I had become. A cruel reminder of the love she’d lost.

“And therein lay the genius behind the king’s plan. He no longer needed to forbid the relationship—he had taken extreme measures to ensure Nadia would never love me again, in any form. As I said, severed. Indefinitely.”

Maria found herself crying again. Not for fear this time, but for the story she had heard. How could something so horrible have happened in her own family’s past? She tried to picture her father doing the same thing to her potential suitor.

To Cutter.

“I—I’m sorry,” she whispered to Avalas, and meant it.

The soft edge to Avalas’ voice was gone. “Don’t be sorry. You have provided me a means to an end, Princess. You see, I spent years rebuilding my clockwork body, strengthening it to lay siege to Castle Arezza—but I always failed. Some clever wizard, or some roguish knight would always figure out a plan to stop me. I kept learning new and more powerful magic—a side effect from the enchanted stone I was imprisoned in—but still, I was thwarted at every turn.

“But then I realized the secret to revenge wasn’t in magic. It was in leverage. So I built this little console, carved a clever inscription, and waited for some fool to bring me a princess. Because I’ll bet all the toadies in Estham that the king wouldn’t dare shoot, flood, or bury the prison that holds his precious daughter.”

Avalas beamed at Maria, begging her to comment on his scheme. Marvel at his machinations. And while she was surprised that she wasn’t the key she thought she was—that the lock was so much simpler than anyone had imagined—she was also still sorry. Sorry for the knight that wasn’t allowed to love. Sorry that one king’s rage had led him to believe this was his only recourse.

Sorry that, to get out of his mess, Maria was going to have to talk Avalas out of a hatred that he had every right to feel. And she knew this because even in the short time she had known the truth of what happened to the former Prime Knight, she felt that same hatred coursing through her.

Maria too had been betrayed. By her family. Her blood.

“May I ask a question, Avalas?” she managed.

Avalas seemed taken aback. He must have been expecting Maria to scream, to cry out for her father, to beg to be released. The knight nodded.

Maria bolstered her voice. “How will any of this bring Nadia back?”

Avalas made a face like a sword was being raked across his ribs. “What?”

Maria swallowed. Her throat was dried parchment. “Your plan—it’s all very clever. But how will it bring Nadia back? And even if it could—how will it make her love you?”

Avalas squinted, shaking his head. “It—it was never meant to—she—it wasn’t supposed to bring her back.”

There it was. Maria’s opening. Her key. She feigned a theatrical scowl of confusion. “Forgive me, Sir Knight, but I don’t understand—you spent all this time waiting, learning the greatest magics in the kingdom—to do what exactly? Seek revenge?”

“Well, I—” Avalas began, but Maria disarmed that too.

“It just seems to me that if you truly loved Princess Nadia, she would have been your top priority,” she said boldly. “Surely in all your studies, you must have come across a spell that can return people to life. Or a love spell perhaps?”

“Of course not, that’s,” Avalas began. His eyes flicked back and forth, reading invisible pages. “That’s…absurd.”

Maria may have been playing the silly girl that knew nothing of magic, but even she could see Avalas was questioning himself. Reviewing everything he’d ever learned. Searching the library of his mind for a spell or a potion. One way or another, she couldn’t let him find it.

“No? Nothing to change events, undo the passage of time?” Maria pushed on. “What seems absurd to me is that a man driven by love could turn into such a powerful wizard—and the best plan he could think of is to grab a girl by the wrist and use her to kill a king.

“A king that had nothing to do with what happened to you and Nadia.”

There was her dagger again. She drove it right into Avalas’ heart. She saw him wince. His shoulders slumped and his hue shaded as he clutched the wall with a shimmering hand. She had him. She even thought she felt the lurching of the automaton fortress slowing.

I can do this, Maria thought. I can stop him.

A whirring, whining drone pierced the steel chamber. Maria had only now become aware of how loud—how close—it was. It had been in the background, true, but she assumed it was just the hum of some large gear.

Avalas straightened. “What is that?” His gaze grew from concerned to stern. Angry. His second-guessing confusion was gone, replaced by that hot, driven sneer.

No, Maria thought. Not now.

*                    *                    *

I hold tight to Alven’s Treehopper. It really is a remarkable little vehicle—pretty much just a cockpit surrounded by a rotor blade—but this gives him amazing maneuverability as he pilots.

It’s the oldest rule of mechanics: the simplest solution is the most practical.

We launch from his great airship, the jewel of his armada. Instantly, I’m buffeted by insects. Crickets, millions of them. They are cloying, choking the skies. The Treehopper shreds most of them, but I can see through my goggles that they’ll soon clog the engine.

Not that it will matter, from what Alven tells me. He says the Treehopper only holds a small fuel supply. A fuel supply meant to support a crew of one. Not two. And definitely not three.

You have to be fast, Cutter, I tell myself. No time for theatrics. You know the blueprints and you have the tools. Just get her out of there.

I nearly lose my grip on the Treehopper when I think of her. Maria. In all that I have learned, accomplished, and invented, never have I ever been more awestruck than the moment I saw her.

How could I have left her alone? How could I have been so wrong about everything?

Stop. You have a job to do.

Below us, I can barely make out the battle. The clash between the king’s Royal Guard and the Clockwork Army. I know this much: the Guard is outnumbered.

You have to be fast, Cutter.

Alven’s Skyhammer Guild provides us escort as we approach the looming monolith that is the Clockwork Knight. Seeing the hulking monstrosity now, I feel foolish for ever thinking it was a Ferrous Golem.

So wrong.

I manage to tap Marz on the shoulder and direct him to the right side of the Knight’s head. That’s where the porthole is. The entrance to my worksh—the chamber where Maria is held. Where the geode is. I feel the weight of the shattertrill at my side, tucked safely into a vollskin pouch.

Marz pulls in close to the head. Make it quick, he tells me with a simple hand gesture. I almost laugh. As if he needs to remind me how fast I must be. I remind myself that their sense of urgency is relatively new, borne in the king’s chambers.

Mine was borne when Quell found me in the forest and told me that Maria was trapped. That, in all my years of mastering spells, the first thing I found to be truly magic was in danger.

And it was my fault.

But instead of laughing at what Marz thinks “urgency” means, I nod and leap for the porthole. The hilt of my whipdrill catches on the outer ring. Part of my sleeve tears away on a stray strand of mesh and razor-sharp wire slices into my arm. I don’t care. Not for a second.

I’m coming, Maria. Please hold on.

And no theatrics.

Well, maybe one.

*                     *                     *

ALL WITH ONE HAND CONSUMED BY THE CONSOLE, Maria watched as Cutter dropped into the chamber. His whipdrill was drawn as he inspected the scene. He saw Avalas, of course, but the ghostly apparition barely seemed to phase him. But when his eyes found Maria, timed seemed to stop. Cutter pushed a pair of aviator goggles—where did he get those?—onto his forehead and took her in. Maria had hoped he would come for her, of course—but she never expected it to really happen.

She wanted to scream out to him. She had a thousand things to tell him, a million, but none of them sounded quite right. That she was glad to see him. That he was foolish for coming for her. That she had it under control. That she missed him.

Cutter seemed to be waiting for her to say something too. When she didn’t, he forced a weary grin and muttered, “Looks like you could use a hand, Your Majesty!”

Her heart barely had time to flutter before Avalas cried out and rushed the raven-haired boy. Maria screamed as the knight drew his sword of light. In a flash, the blade solidified into rough rock, and the edge became sharpened crystal. It looked like the rocks she had seen in Flippant’s collection.

“Cutter, watch out!” she cried.

Cutter didn’t need her warning. He already had his whipdrill up and grinding against the stone sword. He pressed into Avalas’ attack, trying to keep him from parrying as he reached for something—a furry pouch—at his side.

What was he doing? He was giving up ground for whatever was in that little bag. Cutter, this is no time for some silly invention, Maria thought fearfully. Even Cutter, with all his skills in scrapping and swashbuckling, was no match for a former Prime Knight. He was only a boy, after all.

But whatever was in that pouch must have been important because Cutter kept trying to get it out. He parried, twirled, and danced around the ghost of Avalas, dodging swipe after crystal-edged swipe, all the while fingering that bag. Whatever it was, it was important, Maria realized. But Avalas wasn’t going to let up. And all Cutter needed was a second.

“Avalas!” Maria cried out suddenly. “It’s Nadia!”

It didn’t matter that it was a lie, the knight whirled around in Maria’s direction first then panned around the chamber at the prospect of seeing his princess again. This bought Cutter the spare second he needed to retrieve a small, metal circle from the pouch. The boy brought the device to his lips.

Cutter puffed his cheeks and blew.

Everything—the sputtering drone from outside, the clang of swords, the grinding of gears—was silenced by the piercing peal of what must have been some kind of whistle. Maria clenched her teeth as the trill rose to ear-splitting.

Nobody was more affected by the sound than Avalas. He groaned painfully, although Maria couldn’t hear anything but the whistle. Behind the wall, where Maria had seen that gemlike gleam, there was an explosion; a rumbling that sent a cloud of dust from between the seams of the wall.

Cutter stopped whistling. Avalas’s hue grew from cold amethyst to sunlight-white. So bright Maria had to look away. She heard him cry out as he flashed out of existence.

I’m coming, Nadia!

Cutter was on the console before Maria had time to even guess what happened. He pressed his left hand to its structure and shut his eyes. Maria watched in disbelief as seams and bolts and notches began to trace themselves in bluish light. The rivets remained even when Cutter opened his eyes. He wasted no time disassembling the console with the help of his whipdrill. The whirling, conical blade made short work of the glowing screws and bolts that held the console together. Very shortly, Maria’s hand was hers again. She rubbed some feeling back into it.

“Are you okay, Princess?” Cutter asked.

Maria just wrapped her arms around him and held tight. She never wanted to let go. She squeezed him long past when he began squirming out of her grip.

“Your Majesty, we—we need to get out of here,” he said. “Now!”

A series of clunks and metallic groans erupted from around the chamber. While she wasn’t sure exactly what was happening, Maria could see pieces rearranging and falling behind the walls. Wires frayed and popped from the seams. Sparks arced as Cutter’s string of globular lanterns flickered and exploded.

“Up the hatch,” Cutter said, ushering her to the ladder rungs. “You first.”

Maria managed to give a quick nod before taking to the ladder. Up and up she climbed towards the porthole. Bits and pieces fell onto her upturned face in the darkness. She tried to make sure Cutter was still behind her, but it was almost impossible to make him out. She had to trust that he wouldn’t leave her behind. Not after all this.

Emerging into a gale of insects and engine fumes, Maria found out just how far the knight’s construct had risen from the earth. Even if she could keep her eyes open long to get a good look at the ground, she wouldn’t have been able to make out much. Nor did she really want to. She hated heights.

She heard Cutter’s voice cry from below, barely cracking the whistling winds. “Grab on, Princess!”

Glancing up, Maria found a strange metal pod with a whipping blade coming near her. She didn’t recognize the pilot, but she recognized his garb. Sky pirate! Like the ones that had tried to kidnap her earlier! Were they under attack? Was the plot to capture her still live?

“Trust me, Princess, grab hold!” Cutter screamed. “Hurry!”

No time to question. The strange vessel grew closer and Maria saw a rung that she thought she could hold onto. She grabbed the gritty metal and held tight, screaming as she felt her feet leaving the ladder. Panic stole the sound from her lungs.

Cutter! They’re leaving him!

The little ship pulled away from the Clockwork Knight as Cutter emerged from the porthole. Maria called out to him. He didn’t look afraid, just determined. Maria looked around the base of the tiny airship. There was another rung opposite hers. The airship was already changing its altitude, maneuvering back to Cutter. The sky pirate wasn’t leaving him at all! Relieved, she turned her energy back to her grip. Now wasn’t the time to get butterfingers.

Just as Cutter’s rung reached him, a gale swept the tiny ship away. Maria almost reached out for the boy before realizing she needed both hands to hold on.

“Go back! Go back!” she found herself screaming. The ship closed in again. Cutter reached for his handhold.

And then the ladder beneath him gave out. Simply broke away, coming apart like the rest of the contraption. Maria screamed. Hot tears burned down her face and were lost to the wind.

Cutter fell back into the black void of the hatch.

Gone.

The rest of the Clockwork Knight’s monstrous frame began to collapse in on itself as the sky pirate vessel pulled Maria way from where the boy had fallen. Disappeared. Left her.

Cutter was gone, Maria realized. She screamed until she was hoarse. Sobbing all the way back to the large airship that brought her home to Castle Arezza.

Suddenly hanging on didn’t seem so important.

*                    *                     *

IN THE WEEKS THAT FOLLOWED, Maria spent most of her time in her room. She didn’t have much patience for her classwork, which Flippant seemed to understand. At first, he’d tried to coax her back into a desk, thinking it might keep her mind focused if he buried her in schoolwork. But he could never keep her gaze from drifting to the nearest window.

Maria’s newest hobby, besides going to bed early and sleeping in, was trying to piece together all that had transpired. Without having to ask anyone, of course. The last thing she wanted to do was broach the subject with her parents and see their faces sadden as they tried to coat everything in sugar like they usually did.

No, Maria planned to map it out herself. And so far she was doing just fine. From Captain Alven collecting his handsome reward from her father, she gleaned that the two had struck up some sort of deal in the wake of her failed kidnapping.

What good fortune.

Then there were the charcoal etchings hidden in Flippant’s desk. Plans for something Flippant had titled “The Prophecy Whistle.” Whatever it was, he had commissioned a whistlemaker to build it—or maybe Sir Roan Byrd had become a whistlemaker in order to build it. Either way, Maria learned that Flippant had known something like this would happen someday. That a princess was involved. Thus he’d steered Maria away from any information concerning demosynthetics.

Lucky her.

The rest came from a storybook Maria had come across in the castle library. One particular chapter was a fairy tale called “The Clockwork Knight and the Princess.” It filled in the gaps—although it wasn’t exactly accurate, Maria knew.

That was that. Her life was back to flouncy dresses and heavy jewelry. She ate lavish dinners with her parents. Stood at her mother’s side when local lords paid royalties to her father. Curtsied, and thanked, and clapped—all right on cue. Like a good little princess.

But in her mind, she was still hanging onto that rung beneath the Treehopper. Holding on for dear life. And waiting.

For Cutter.

And that’s when the tears would come. Whenever she thought of him—whenever she didn’t. Even walking under those familiar lamps in the hallway made her burst out in tears. When she dreamt, she saw him. Falling. Again and again.

Despite what had actually happened, in her dreams, Maria reached out to him. Every time. One night, he’d reached back and they’d fallen together—it was the best nightmare she’d ever had.

Often, her thoughts drifted to the mountain of gears and metal that had downpoured in the meadow just outside Ralafus. The pile of rubble left from the fall of the Clockwork Knight and his army that her father’s Guard had only begun to clean up. She wanted to find his body. To search the wreckage and find what was left of him and bury him properly.

This had inevitably led her to searching diners and pubs throughout Ralafus, hoping to find and hire Captain Alven—but the sky pirate had become scarce. Few locals even caught a glimpse of the Skyhammer Guild anymore. Not so much as a messenger hawk had been seen in weeks.

It was just one day.

One boy.

Cutter.

It wasn’t just one day—it was her whole life in an instant. A heartbeat, a blink, a snap—and then everything was gone. He was there just long enough to show her what she was missing. Just a taste, a glimpse. And now? Just an echo.

Eventually, Maria found her way back into the white-walled lecture room of Master Flippant. The old wizard sat at his desk, scribbling away at some parchment, fussing to keep his oversized sleeves out of his way.

“Master?” she whispered.

Flippant’s head shot up as if he’d just awoken with a start. As though he’d forgotten her voice. Maybe he had. Maria hadn’t spoke to him in ages.

He found his bearings and cleared his throat. “What is it, child?”

Maria bit her lip. “Maybe—maybe we could resume lessons now?”

Flippant took to his feet faster than Maria ever thought possible. “Well, I—that is to say—well—I just need to get some books! Wait right here!”

Flippant dashed passed her, beaming. Just before he left the room, his frantic face sobered behind his rosy lenses. “We’ll get through this, Your Majesty. I promise.”

Maria just nodded as he left the room. The tears didn’t immediately start to pour down her face, she found. In fact, she was able to dam them up. Swallow them instead.

We’ll get through this.

She took her usual seat at the single desk that faced Master Flippant’s. She straightened the the big bell of her indigo dress, streamlining it until she fit comfortably into the seat. Then, propping her head up on two fists, she looked forward, waiting for Old Flip to return with a boring load of fat books.

She almost didn’t notice the humming sound. Or the tapping at the window. Cautiously, Maria turned her head to face the sound. With a cry, she found herself staring at a hovering figure made of scrap metal. Of clockwork gears and whirling cogs. Rudders and propellers kept him a float.

The Clockwork Knight! He’s returned for me!

The window latch rattled and undid itself, swinging open. Before she could flee, a slatted faceplate lifted away and revealed a human face. A young man’s face, rimmed by raven hair and lit by a stunningly bright grin. Maria’s jaw dropped as she began to shake lightly.

“Did you miss me, Princess?”

“Cutter!” Maria sobbed. “Is—is it really you?”

“In the flesh,” he replied. Then, glancing at the metal running down his arms and legs, added, “Technically.”

Maria’s face felt searingly hot as she choked out her next words. “I thought you—you were—I saw you fall and—I thought—”

“Thought what? That a Pentomechanic couldn’t get himself out of a pile of scrap?” he beamed, putting his fists on his hips. The action made him bob and dip. He looked a little unsure, then righted himself. “It took a little while to dig out—but I just kept finding all these great parts! That’s what really slowed me down. Check out this new armor I made! I took a page from the book of—”

He was interrupted by Maria flinging herself out the open window and into his arms. She held onto him so tight—she wouldn’t let go this time. No matter what he said. And he just let her, cradling her while she sobbed.

After a few moments, Cutter pressed his lips to her ear and whispered. “Sorry I’m late, Your Majesty.”

“It’s okay,” Maria laughed wetly. She pulled away so she could look him in the eyes. “You’re just in time to rescue me.”

The End


[unplugged]

This is me, coming to you LIVE, fresh off my Social Network Sabbatical.  How’d it go?  Well, I carved a hashtag into my arm (#shareTHIS) so…you tell me.

Just kidding.

It was surprisingly refreshing to get off the grid.  Unjack from The Matrix for awhile.  In fact, I’ve hardly been back to any of the big sites.  I thought for sure I would be just jonesing to share/update/LIKE something.  But actually, now that I’ve missed so much, the draw of checking in is gone.

Me (Before)

Me (After)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let me tell you something:  my hypothesis was correct!  I spend WAY too much time on Facebook and Twitter.  And by spend, I mean waste.  I got so much done this week!  All my projects for work.  I finished revising/updating my 2007 story, The Plate in the Attic, and got it up and live on Amazon.

Get your pants scared off for a whopping 99 cents!

Just straight up killin’ it!  And I was on spec to finish reading The Hunger Games and finish up writing “Cutter 6″ but I had my best bud Kell visiting for the weekend.  Serious hiking ensued.

But, I assure you, “Cutter 6″ is off and running and is a lightning strike of a finale to this series!

Also….Hunger Games?  INCREDIBLE!  Part of me–the hipster part–really didn’t want to enjoy this book.  Just another young adult bandwagon that I didn’t want to jump on solely because people are talking about it.  But, frankly, I’m hooked.  This book is really something special.  And much more unique than I thought it was going to be.  The concept isn’t exactly revolutionary, but the, ahem, execution is.  Hats off to you, Suzanne Collins.

So, all in all, I’m going to stick with the lessons I learned from the SNS.  Don’t waste time.  Don’t be a Newsfeed Junkie.  Don’t Tweet your life away.  Now, to finish up Cutter and get back to work on Coming of Mage.  Let’s just say if I get it done before Q4, something awesome may happen!


social network sabbatical

And so begins my Social Network Sabbatical.  Sigh.

Since the invention of Facebook, I have been a junkie.  I constantly update my newsfeed just waiting for something juicy to appear.  Rarely it does.  And mostly I find myself complaining about status updates.

“Ugh, what kind of a frickin’ idiot posts that?”

“Oh, come on, everybody watched that infinity ago.”

“What the flip?  You’re doing Facebook wrong.”

That’s right.  Constant Facebook-watching has turned me into Napoleon Dynamite.  And the saddest part is, I’m saying all these things to myself, huddled up to my laptop in Lonely Geek HQ.  So I decided to take a little break from it all.

NO FACEBOOK OR TWITTER FOR AN ETERNITY!  FOR ONE WEEK!

Look, I’ll start with a week.  Let’s not get crazy here.

[Note:  my plan was to start this Monday, but since I thought Saturday was Sunday, I announced my sabbatical a day early.  And we all know I can't just go back on my official Facebook announcement, right?]

Now I’m sure you have a lot of questions.  Questions like What are you going to do with all this extra free time? and Are you really going to stick to this or do you have some loopholes?  and Do you really think people care that you’re taking a break from Facebook?  Really, man, that’s pretty egocentric.  Don’t be a martyr.

Well, first of all, that last one isn’t even a question, so I won’t even bother responding.

Second, there’s a lot I can get done.  And that’s really the heart of this little social experiment.  I want to show myself how much time I actually waste on social networking sites each day.  Between smartphone updates and just plain-old being jacked into the Internet like it’s the Matrix, I’m rarely out of reach of Ye Olde Facebook.

So, what am I actually working on?  Well, hello–I still have to finish writing that manuscript if I want to see a book deal.  And I’m revising/revamping a supernatural thriller novella that I wrote a few years back but has yet to see the light of day.  Also need to finish up The Chronicles of Cutter–yikes.  And I started reading The Hunger Games–which we all know I have to finish by the time the movie is released or I won’t be able to sleep at night.

Alright.  The loopholes.  Of course I have loopholes.  How many times have I mentioned on this blog that I’m the King of Loopholes.  The answer is 37.

1) As some of  you know, I emailed my resume to the Director of Story for Hasbro Corporate.  The folks behind a little franchise known as TRANSFORMERS!  Now it’s all very exciting, but most likely nothing will come of it.  But…I would literally give anything to do any kind of work for the robots I’ve grown to love–especially when it comes to brand integrity.  What does this have to do with social networks?  Well, I “met” this fellow via Twitter.  And if that remains the medium for which he contacts me, you best believe I’m signing into the Big T.  You can’t blame me.

2) Okay, the first one is kind of a stretch.  Probably don’t have to worry about it.  But this second one is a doozie:  I’m in charge of the status updates for my restaurant’s Facebook page–which need to be updated daily.  Thus, going on Facebook is sort of my job.  Kind of hard to avoid  that one.  But!  I will be able to do it from my phone.  I already have the page bookmarked so I can just go there, update, and walk away.

“Break the wrist, walk away.  Break the wrist, and walk away.”  –Rex, Napoleon Dynamite

Other than those two glaring incidents, I plan to stay Facebook-free.  Even if it means not publicizing my blog posts on my fan page.  Hopefully my friends will come to my aid in that respect.  Hint hint.  Wink wink.

Ultimately, I just hope that it gives me a little bit of a reality check.  I always talk about “scope”–no, not the mouthwash–but the range of things.  The scope of our reality.  And as much as I accuse people have having a small scope when it comes to life, I’m also guilty of having a small scope when it comes to social networking.  I feel like the sun rises and falls on whether or not I log in/out.

There’s more to do.  The weather is getting nice again.  Yesterday, Kate and I hiked a mountain.  It was treacherous.  But a beautiful, relaxing sort of treacherous.  And there’s foxes in the world.  I want to see more foxes.

[Foxes being a microcosm for nature here.  Obviously.  --Writer]

Okay, so here’s to Day 1.  Cheers!

The second I hit “Publish” this will automatically post to Twitter. #ironic


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