obligatory Transformers post

If you follow this blog with any sort of consistency, you know I’m wildly fanatical about Transformers.  They are practically my religion.  (Technically, that’s ‘Jedi’ if you check Facebook, but ‘Autobot’ is listed as my Political Affiliation!)

So you must be dying to know how I feel about the new movie “Transformers: Dark of the Moon.”

This is where I was going to make a shock-joke about hating it, but we all know that I FREAKING LOVE THAT FILM!

First off:  Michael Bay?  Nailed it.  I don’t know what the hell happened with 2009’s “Revenge of the Fallen.”  I mean, of course I still own the collector’s edition and watch it daily, but that movie lost something in TRANS-lation.  Or in post.  Whatever.

But don’t worry, everybody, he fixed Transformers.  He kept it way more emotional and grown-up, got rid of certain ridiculous twin bots that shall remain nameless, and–in the biggest turn of events–dropped two of my favorite Hollywood writers, Kurtzman and Orci.

And something marvelous happened.  The plot was coherent and stream-lined.  Thank you, Ehren Kruger.  You just get me.

Here’s the three things of the biggest things he did right:

1.  Prolonged Chase Scene

Duh.  Michael Bay’s original 2006 promise to everybody was robots battling at 90 mph.  In 2 films, I think I saw 9 seconds of this.  But then some genius stepped in and was like “Hey, maybe a car chase would be good in a movie.”  The result is a smooth forward-flowing thrill ride put to an epic score that leaves you satisfied.  And, if you’re me, crying.

2.  Transformers in Mortal Danger

It’s hard when you know most of the characters will live and so their grappling and punches never seem that necessary.  But I’m here to tell you all bets are off in DOTM.  You will see Transformers begging for mercy, kicking guns to each other to end a “Mexican standoff,” and a host of other ‘human’ activities.  It adds just the right amount of compassion to raise the emotional stakes.

3.  Two Movies for the Price of One

No, I’m not talking about the 2.5-hour run time….well, not exactly.  But the first half of DOTM is an awesome conspiracy flick and the second half–after the questions are answered–is an epic post-apocalyptic/invasion/war zone-type film.  You really get it all with this one.

There’s a million other things done right with this movie too.  As I Tweeted last night:

“After my 3rd viewing of @TF3Movie I’ve decided my favorite scenes are the ‘highway chase’ and ‘the rest of the film.'”

I really only had one request of this third, and possibly final, installment of this franchise legacy:  Please let the finale be epic.  No dick/fart jokes to take me out of the intensity.

That prayer was answered and then some.

Oh, and the 3-D is perfect.  Makes “Avatar” look even more like “FernGully.”

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