social network sabbatical

And so begins my Social Network Sabbatical.  Sigh.

Since the invention of Facebook, I have been a junkie.  I constantly update my newsfeed just waiting for something juicy to appear.  Rarely it does.  And mostly I find myself complaining about status updates.

“Ugh, what kind of a frickin’ idiot posts that?”

“Oh, come on, everybody watched that infinity ago.”

“What the flip?  You’re doing Facebook wrong.”

That’s right.  Constant Facebook-watching has turned me into Napoleon Dynamite.  And the saddest part is, I’m saying all these things to myself, huddled up to my laptop in Lonely Geek HQ.  So I decided to take a little break from it all.


Look, I’ll start with a week.  Let’s not get crazy here.

[Note:  my plan was to start this Monday, but since I thought Saturday was Sunday, I announced my sabbatical a day early.  And we all know I can’t just go back on my official Facebook announcement, right?]

Now I’m sure you have a lot of questions.  Questions like What are you going to do with all this extra free time? and Are you really going to stick to this or do you have some loopholes?  and Do you really think people care that you’re taking a break from Facebook?  Really, man, that’s pretty egocentric.  Don’t be a martyr.

Well, first of all, that last one isn’t even a question, so I won’t even bother responding.

Second, there’s a lot I can get done.  And that’s really the heart of this little social experiment.  I want to show myself how much time I actually waste on social networking sites each day.  Between smartphone updates and just plain-old being jacked into the Internet like it’s the Matrix, I’m rarely out of reach of Ye Olde Facebook.

So, what am I actually working on?  Well, hello–I still have to finish writing that manuscript if I want to see a book deal.  And I’m revising/revamping a supernatural thriller novella that I wrote a few years back but has yet to see the light of day.  Also need to finish up The Chronicles of Cutter–yikes.  And I started reading The Hunger Games–which we all know I have to finish by the time the movie is released or I won’t be able to sleep at night.

Alright.  The loopholes.  Of course I have loopholes.  How many times have I mentioned on this blog that I’m the King of Loopholes.  The answer is 37.

1) As some of  you know, I emailed my resume to the Director of Story for Hasbro Corporate.  The folks behind a little franchise known as TRANSFORMERS!  Now it’s all very exciting, but most likely nothing will come of it.  But…I would literally give anything to do any kind of work for the robots I’ve grown to love–especially when it comes to brand integrity.  What does this have to do with social networks?  Well, I “met” this fellow via Twitter.  And if that remains the medium for which he contacts me, you best believe I’m signing into the Big T.  You can’t blame me.

2) Okay, the first one is kind of a stretch.  Probably don’t have to worry about it.  But this second one is a doozie:  I’m in charge of the status updates for my restaurant’s Facebook page–which need to be updated daily.  Thus, going on Facebook is sort of my job.  Kind of hard to avoid  that one.  But!  I will be able to do it from my phone.  I already have the page bookmarked so I can just go there, update, and walk away.

“Break the wrist, walk away.  Break the wrist, and walk away.”  –Rex, Napoleon Dynamite

Other than those two glaring incidents, I plan to stay Facebook-free.  Even if it means not publicizing my blog posts on my fan page.  Hopefully my friends will come to my aid in that respect.  Hint hint.  Wink wink.

Ultimately, I just hope that it gives me a little bit of a reality check.  I always talk about “scope”–no, not the mouthwash–but the range of things.  The scope of our reality.  And as much as I accuse people have having a small scope when it comes to life, I’m also guilty of having a small scope when it comes to social networking.  I feel like the sun rises and falls on whether or not I log in/out.

There’s more to do.  The weather is getting nice again.  Yesterday, Kate and I hiked a mountain.  It was treacherous.  But a beautiful, relaxing sort of treacherous.  And there’s foxes in the world.  I want to see more foxes.

[Foxes being a microcosm for nature here.  Obviously.  –Writer]

Okay, so here’s to Day 1.  Cheers!

The second I hit “Publish” this will automatically post to Twitter. #ironic


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